Toxic masculinity comes at a high cost.
(Photo: Getty Images [M])
Boris von Heesen’s book was triggered 20 years ago. At that time he was the managing director of a drug aid agency in Frankfurt am Main and helped out in a consumption room where drug addicts could take their substance in a controlled manner. He noticed that there were hardly any women there – the beginning of his research.
Soon he expanded it to include traffic, prisons, crime. During a lecture three years ago, the economist noticed how interested the audience was in the topic – and subsequently formulated his archive into a book.
Herr von Heesen, you wrote a book about what men cost society. How much is that in Germany?
It is a little more than 63 billion euros a year, which certainly only represents a small part. This is because I only evaluated official statistics for which cost information was available. But there are many other areas and dates. Contrary to what the title might suggest, my book is not directed against men in general. I want to show what significant economic damage patriarchy causes in the form of unhealthy male behavior.
How does the 63 billion break down?
Take jail time for example. Almost 94 percent of the inmates in Germany are men. A day in jail costs 130 euros per prisoner. That makes three billion euros a year. The costs caused by the six percent female inmates have already been deducted from this. Then there is domestic violence perpetrated by men. The direct costs alone amount to 803 million euros, 81 percent of which are women. The money goes to the work of the police and the judiciary, protection in women’s shelters and medical and psychological care for victims of abuse and rape.
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What other areas have you explored?
Men mainly cause the costs of white-collar crime, theft and, above all, addiction. Men also clearly dominate when it comes to alcohol, gambling and heavy tobacco use. The same applies to the consequences of poor nutrition or traffic accidents with personal injury.
Boris von Heesen: What men cost. The high price of patriarchy.
Heyne publisher
Munich 2022
304 pages
18 euros
Why do men top these rankings?
I think that social conditioning and patriarchal role stereotypes are responsible, which affect boys and girls very early on. Boys hear sayings like “Indians don’t know pain, wimps, wimps” and think they have to be tough to assert themselves. Unfortunately, they learn to separate their feelings in the process.
Anyone who shows fear, shame or sadness is often laughed at and devalued. It seems safer to suppress ruthless dominance behavior and the supposedly “feminine”, such as tenderness and gentleness. Caught in a tank of attributions, such men tend to pay less attention to their health and the health of others – and later compensate for stress and insecurity with alcohol, drugs, workaholism, pornography or violence, leaving a financial trail of devastation in their wake.
What role does educational background play?
In prison inmates, it is very significant, and men with a low level of education are more likely to be affected. All social classes and age groups are represented when it comes to addictions, including those who caused accidents, with men with a high level of education and income breaking traffic rules in particular.
How do you know that frenzy and not an unfortunate accident causes a traffic accident?
The sun must have been blinding too. But in my calculations, I always subtract the amounts that women cause. Thus, both sexes would be affected by such coincidences. They do not explain why men’s personal injury accident costs are twice as high as women’s.
You write that men bear a greater responsibility for climate change, but women are also involved.
That’s true, at the same time men drive faster, buy the big gas guzzlers and consume twice as much meat. Nor can we deny that men in particular have shaped the policies and business models that cause climate change over the past few decades.
Do you also include in your assessment what values men create?
Of course, men also create jobs and innovations. However, I consciously focus on statistics that place an enormous burden on society.
To what extent do women also support patriarchy and incur costs?
For example, some women deny men that they can take care of children as well as they can. When it comes to costs, women are ahead in the area of silent addictions, such as taking pills. Or in the field of eating disorders. Overall, however, there is a clear cost differential at the expense of men. My mission is not to play gender off or assign blame. I present facts so we can see what’s wrong and change it for everyone’s benefit.
Many of the stereotypes that you believe support patriarchy are also the foundation of successful careers. Self-assertion at the expense of others, dominance, assertiveness, a good dose of narcissism. Why would men deviate from that when it paves their way into boardrooms?
Because of the dark side of these attributes, which costs us a fortune. But the side of supposed success also has a high price. Top managers who look back on their careers have often sacrificed valuable time with their families and friends. In retirement, many are overwhelmed by the emptiness. Statistically, we see earlier mortality, high susceptibility to addiction and an extremely high suicide rate in men. This is 76 percent in all educational and age groups. I am convinced that men benefit significantly when they free themselves from patriarchy.
And how?
Instead of limiting yourself, they could pick from the set of all human characteristics and possibilities those that are really right for them. This can, but does not have to, lead to a classic corporate career.
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To what extent do companies benefit if board members question role stereotypes more?
They retain talents who do not want to swap careers for families and who want to help companies advance. You gain more collaborative, team-oriented employees. An environment is created in which it is normal to lie down in the middle of the day. After all, this makes the work more efficient. Instead of ten hours or more, maybe only six effective hours a day are enough.
However, one-sided images of success are still being conveyed in economics…
That’s correct. Status, competitiveness, high salary, positions of influence. How my work supports the common good or the environment played no role at all, at least in my business studies. We are experiencing the consequences of this “faster-higher-further” oriented towards monetary success in the form of the climate crisis. Exploitation of self and others, including our planet, are symptoms of patriarchy.
Is there a way to reach these men – and what would they gain from giving up privilege?
We should reach out to overwhelmed men and invite them to a dialogue. Here the arguments – supported by official statistics – can be explained objectively and at eye level. Ultimately, everyone benefits from a gender-equitable society. When partners meet as equals, men no longer bear the main burden of caregiving. They develop better and more intensive relationships with their children, completely different male friendships, where they can also talk about worries instead of just about football. Men would avoid violent confrontations more often and take better care of their health. In custody disputes, men would get the same rights as women. Better access to one’s own emotional world is crucial for this.
Less money and status, but a rich emotional life. How many men will that convince?
It’s a process. But I believe that if the facts are so clearly on the table and with them the cause, the role stereotypes, action can save a lot of money and ultimately suffering.
Mr von Heesen, thank you very much for the interview.
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