Commonly known as ‘the fear of the wedding night’ or ‘fear of intercourse’, vaginismus is a huge taboo for most women. We can say that women who experience this have difficulty in consulting a specialist, often feeling lonely. So what exactly is vaginismus, which is scary for many people to even talk about? We asked the expert about the subject…
Women who experience vaginismus in our society are treated by other people. ‘missing woman’ Most of the time, they may prefer to remain silent because they think that they will face a judgment that they are. People who experience it even though they think it’s their fault The source of the situation they live in is often the wrong information they have learned from the structure of the society they live in.
Therefore, the situation turns into a very social issue. Having deep experience on the subject and touching the lives of many women who have had this experience, Gynecology and Obstetrics Specialist Müjdegül Karaca we talked to. He answered our questions in a language that everyone could understand and enlightened us. Here are our teacher’s informative and “oh, is he really like that” answers:
The keyword for vaginismus is desire. The woman says, “I want to, but I can’t”.
Vaginismus means that a woman cannot get anything inside her vagina even if she wants to. The keyword is “request”. Woman, “I want to, but I can’t.” says. And not just the penis; She cannot take things like fingers, tampons, suppositories, gynecological examination instruments into her vagina even though she wants it. Therefore, vaginismus is a disease.
Vaginismus is a disease, but not a disease of the vagina.
Dr. Mujdegul Karaca
The vagina is completely normal in 99% of the cases. Only a very small minority have a structural problem with the vagina or vaginal entrance. When you say it like that, it is thought to be a psychological disease, but it is not a psychological disease. Actually, vaginismus psychosomatic is a disease. Psycho means soul, soma means body. The problem of the soul-body relationship is generally seen in the form of a spiritual state finding a response in the body.
The only cause of vaginismus is negative thoughts and feelings about sex.
These thoughts and feelings lead to a certain behavior pattern and avoidance. This causes contraction of the muscles at the entrance of the vagina. As a result of this vaginal penetration is painful It is possible. Pain is real. It is the contraction of the muscles that causes the pain. The process that leads to muscle contraction is psychological.
Contrary to popular belief, the solution to this problem is not inserting something into the vagina, getting pregnant or giving birth.
Vaginismus is resolved by understanding the disease and recognizing the body. Of course, it would be better for couples to get professional help in this regard. But more assistance such as guidance. in question. Sometimes there may be a past trauma causing this problem, and then special therapy is required for this.
Vaginismus, a procrastination and avoidance disease; It cannot be solved by quick, immediate, hasty attempts.
The biggest mistake is to rush. Searching for solutions on the internet or requesting some products from the pharmacy, problem to be solved with proper guidance can further complicate it.
The individual is often social because although every woman experiences this situation differently, there are many experiences that are common to each other.
It is very wrong to generalize. Let me make a generalization right away by saying that doing this most of the time is understandable in a way that makes it difficult for those who generalize. However, we cannot understand many situations without generalizing. So let me explain by taking the risk. Usually heterosexual couples: “We’re married, we can’t have a relationship.” he appeals. Mostly couples who have known each other for a long time and have been in love for a long time.
Those who have not experienced this situation will never understand it. I can’t tell you how many of my colleagues were surprised. “What have they been doing all these years, are they holding hands?” they ask. “E, because you didn’t experience vaginismus!” I explain to them. People who experience this situation, sometimes because of vaginismus, sometimes just “Not without getting married!” They said that they did not try the relationship before marriage.
Usually, the woman’s mother or mother-in-law states that she wants to attend the examination by accompanying the woman. them, if if they are not the woman’s sexual partner I take it out by saying that I can never get into the privacy area. Most spouses are eager to accompany. For the most part, I listen to both partners when I get the first story.
Women who experience vaginismus are mostly detail-oriented. Sensitive and careful people. Also, he’s smart. Most, educated at undergraduate level. In general, they received more education than their spouses. That’s why, I have an idea, but it’s a very clumsy idea, I won’t tell. Let me just say that if I ever need a secretary or assistant, they are the women I would choose to hire. The spouses of women who have this problem are usually gentlemen. These gentlemen are border-respecting and sensitive people. Most are cooperative and kind.
Contrary to popular belief, the couple with vaginismus does not have a history of significant excessive sexual trauma compared to couples without vaginismus. Sometimes there are histories of severe trauma, but other times there are stories in which most people do not have an avoidance response in this way. Actually, that event was very effective for the person. In most cases, there is no apparent history of trauma. They themselves are astonished, even: “God! I’m not the kind of person who wears things like this at all, but…” they say.
I think the most common misconception is to think that vaginismus is a disease of the vagina and the woman.
Vaginismus is the couple’s disease. The vagina is also normal. Another mistake is related to the treatment. When something is taken into the vagina, they think that the disease is over. They are also amazed at the same painful and fearful process every time.
I think, as in many things, patients want to get results in a short way in the solution of this disease.
There is a situation in this disease, just like people stay away from healthy eating and exercise and pay for weight-loss pills. In fact, accurate information about vaginismus is so limited within the reach of the citizen; If you had asked what is known about this disease, the answer would be easier. The information you get with a short internet tour about vaginismus, sorry but most of them are wrong.
When women experience this problem, they apply to us in the form of a normal gynecological examination.
The woman expresses her complaint at the time of application. Then, we make the issue clearer by adjusting the environment (sorry, but not always possible) and meeting with their spouses. I still need to do a gynecological exam. Classical from the gynecological examination I am giving a short training to the patient I examined with a more specific psycho-somatic approach. Almost 70% of couples who apply to me overcome the problem with this approach. We manage some patients with a multidisciplinary approach together with psychiatry, physical therapy and urologists.
The reaction of women to treatment is often surprise!
They are surprised. patients, when they find out that the vagina is normal They are surprised when they learn how the vagina functions during sexual intercourse. In fact, they are surprised when they learn that what they know as the hymen is not actually a membrane and does not show femininity or hymen. And of course, when they solve the problem, they experience a surprise mixed with happiness.
I explain to patients that the vagina is an anesthetic organ. I explain that if anything goes inside the vagina, they won’t feel any distinct sensation. However, when they do the first penetration (meaning getting inside the vagina), “I didn’t feel anything!” they say, expressing their astonishment. I think one of the feelings of patients is regret. They lament, “I wish I hadn’t postponed it, I’ve suffered for nothing.”
The healing process of vaginismus is individual.
The problem is sometimes solved immediately, sometimes it takes months. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s hard. In some cases, spousal problems also occur. Such situations drag the problem into a vicious circle. In some instances, there is a partner exchange. In some, the couple a brand new couple they become one, discovering each other with pleasure.
The key to solving vaginismus is patience.
It is important for this issue to move forward with small steps but decisively. “Never try to walk without crawling or run without walking!”, I say to patients. Because you fall. Crying in thought requires a little more patience to calm down. With good guidance, it is possible to turn vaginismus into a pleasant discovery without falling over and trying to get up again.
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