I Was Planning To Quit Twitter Before Elon Musk Banned Me

I’ve always made a joke about how my voice is unique, and so incredibly annoying. So, the most challenging thing in my life right now is dealing with what I call my “new voice.” My left vocal cord is paralyzed, and I may not get more of my voice back.

I’ve been very self conscious about it, because I sound a little bit like Minnie Mouse now and I have to explain it to the audience every time I do stand up. Some people think I’m joking, but I really did get diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2021, without ever smoking, and the surgery to remove the cancer gave me pretty extensive nerve damage. But it’s funny, I’ve been getting so many people saying that they like this voice better. If that’s the attitude people have, I hit the jackpot.

What’s great about cancer is that, boy, people are nicer. And I work it like a shameless two dollar w****. When I go to dinner, if there’s one thing I don’t like, I’ll yell, “Can I have this redone? I have cancer!” Then people ask what stage, and I have to say, “Well, technically, I’m cancer-free.” Thankfully, the cancer was all removed with surgery and my six-month and one-year scans have since been clear. But I try to have a sense of humor about everything, even that.

How Hollywood has changed

What I miss most, and what scares me about comedy in general, is the loss of context and nuance. I’m able to look at my own work from 30 years ago and acknowledge that I definitely would not say 25 percent of the show today. But now, we’re in such a time, exacerbated by social media, where we really have this universal lack of forgiveness.

In many ways, if that famous 2017 photo of me holding a decapitated Donald Trump head―actually a Halloween mask on a wig holder―had not been shared on social media first, who knows what life it would have had?

First of all, real publications wouldn’t have posted it. It was supposed to be in a gallery anyway, not TMZ, so there was no context or nuance. People didn’t know who the photographer Tyler Shields was and didn’t know where I was coming from. I get frustrated because I feel like people don’t want to know the origins of something. But that’s what my whole creative process is about.

I feel like intent doesn’t mean anything anymore. I think about my dear departed friend Joan Rivers and her acerbic wit, and I suspect she’d probably be canceled today. When I think of the Fashion Police jokes Joan did in her final episodes, it’s sad for me to say it, but she could never do those jokes now, they would be seen as too controversial.

Getting canceled and its effects

An erasure is what the reaction to that photo felt like at the time and what it still feels like to this day. I was fired from my CNN New Year’s Eve hosting gig with my friend Anderson Cooper, theaters canceled my stand up shows because of bomb threats, I was investigated by the Secret Service and put on the “No Fly” list for several months, and I couldn’t get a gig on TV for years.

It went down so fast, and was so seismic. At the first inkling I got that people were upset by the photo, I just laughed it off. In fact, I actually did in a phone interview right away where I said, “I’m not apologizing.” I’m grateful it didn’t run, because at that time, I heard Democrats were thinking that I was going to cause American servicemembers to be beheaded in Syria. Way to keep a level head.

The night of the Trump photo, I happened to have planned a dinner at my house with Melanie Griffith, Rita Wilson and Kris Jenner. I’d quite literally had the worst day of my career and the three of them showed up looking a million dollars and I was in my PJs. It turned out that they were quite wonderful to talk to that night. So much so I wondered: Might it all just stop tonight?

Oh, No.

The hatred from the right was more intense than I could have thought, but not that surprising. But the left wing being so taken by this campaign against me was hard. It was just too much for me.

I learned that my old friends weren’t coming back. Anderson Cooper calling my photo “disgusting” still hurts because I really adored him. Andy Cohen saying “I don’t know her” after it all went down was, and is, painful, because I really enjoyed my time at Bravo.

I think I’m still banned from most of the talk shows, but Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers were great, they were the only two that would have me on. Aubrey Plaza brought over a casserole two days after everything blew up. I don’t think I’d even changed my f****** pajamas. That was very special and meaningful. Those moments really go a long way; it’s another person, another beacon somewhere on the horizon.

But eventually I realized I had better not leave my house for a couple of months, until everything slowed down. I started taking any prescription pill I could get my hands on. I was taking a lot of Valium, which is very addictive, and Xanax.

I then overdosed on June 25, 2020 and went to the hospital on one of those psychiatric holds. My joke about it is that now I have more in common with Britney Spears and Kanye West than I ever wanted to. But I got the help I needed. And now I go to AA, even though I’m a pill girl.

Misogyny and men getting “canceled”

So when I see Dave Chappelle making fun of cancel culture and saying, “If this is what being canceled is like, I love it.” I think: Dave, you weren’t canceled, honey. You’re fine. You got in a little trouble for four seconds for comments on a comedy special that some people regarded as promoting bigotry toward transgender people. The Netflix boys backed you up, like everybody knew they would.

It’s frustrating for me because Chappelle, Joe Rogan, Kanye West and Elon Musk; none of them have ever been canceled or erased, they need to calm down. Do they need clarity on what this looks like when it’s real? It’s five and a half years of lost income. It’s two million dollars in legal fees. Those dudes, they all b**** about it, but they have no clue. The misogyny is staggering to me.

Imagine if I did a 100th of what Kanye has done? I know him a little bit and they lived next door to me for a few years and I like Kim Kardashian. I never really had feelings good or bad about him. But what frustrates me is this: Why are people even debating what he’s said and done? We saw banner drops all over America that said “Kanye is right about the Jews.” Can you think of another popular pop culture figure who’s ever had this effect?

You may think my photograph was disgusting, that’s fine. But I wasn’t dressed as a jihadist as it was manipulated in Iran. It did not incite one single person to grab a sword and cut off anyone’s head, much less Donald Trump’s.

And I knew Trump as well as anybody. He was so ubiquitous in the 90s. If you went to New York, he was practically waiting for you at JFK Airport. I thought I was on the D-List; he would show up to the opening of an envelope.

Twitter bans and harvesting babies

I was planning to leave Twitter after the midterms because it had just gotten too “Musk-y”

Then, on November 6, Elon Musk suspended me from Twitter for impersonating him―I changed my account name to Elon Musk and tweeted pro-choice comments and “#VoteBlueToProtectWomen.” Enough people clearly thought it was real.

He then tweeted a “joke” about me, before deciding on November 18 that he would reinstate me with, wait for it, Jordan Peterson and Babylon Bee. He even name-checked Donald Trump in the same tweet. Musk misspelled my name, on purpose I guess. That doesn’t bother me, but please, Elon, don’t put my name in the company of white supremacists like Trump.

So, I contacted the folks at Post, the new social media app, and I’m there now. I’m also trying TikTok and we’ll see if a new type of Twitter emerges, because I do like having a platform that is more word-oriented. I was shamefully addicted to Twitter, it was hard for me not to keep checking it. But I do feel saddened, because whatever this “Hitler 2.0” situation that I feel here we’re dealing with, it’s so pervasive.

One of the reasons I stayed on Twitter is that I know a lot of the folks followed me for the fun pop culture stuff. So I couldn’t help but throw in, “Let’s see if we can vote for Stacey Abrams, my friends in Georgia.” But I do feel like we’re living in an invasion of the body snatchers over here. It’s nuts.

Take the attack on Paul Pelosi—who I’ve met and who is the definition of a distinguished gentleman. He’s 82 years old. All I can think of is my own father. So the idea that people from the right and conspiracy theorists took to social media and made claims the Pelosi’s security cameras had failed or called it a “false flag” operation—without even starting on the fake “lover’s quarrel” nonsense—I can’t help but think how unbearable that must have been for the Pelosis. But for so many of us, it feels like it’s right out of the Sandy Hook playbook; the way Alex Jones harassed those parents.

I now meet with executives and think: Gosh, I wonder if this person’s wife thinks I’m harvesting f****** baby parts with Hillary Clinton and Tom Hanks in a basement? People in this world think Tom Hanks is harvesting baby parts? And that he and I make adrenochrome and rub it on ourselves to stay young? But conspiracy theorists are sharing that. So, I’m just trying to figure out what the f** is going on and when does it stop.

I also look at people like Amber Heard, Monica Lewinsky or Mia Farrow, and I see there was so much misunderstanding around their situations. I don’t love that nobody really ever apologized to Mia. People kind of apologized to Monica. But Amber is a friend of mine and I very, very much believe her. What I saw with that situation made me feel so discouraged.

Starting Hollywood salons and the future

I used to go to Sue Mengers’ dinner parties, she was a famous Hollywood agent and I idolized her growing up. Then, many years later I won my first Emmy in 2007 and I got in trouble for my speech where I said the award was my God.

Afterwards, I got a call from Sue Mengers and I got to go to these dinner parties at her house for a couple of years. I’d walk in and it would be Jack Nicholson, Paul Simon, Natasha Richardson, Liam Neeson…and Kathy Griffin. Or it would be Lorne Michaels, Tina Fey, Steve Martin and Martin Short… and Kathy Griffin. I was just in f****** heaven. I still remember how special those nights were.

So I started my own salons just before COVID. I wanted it to be a safe space, and, because so many folks deserted me, I started wondering why I was bothering with showbiz people. I started to reach out to writers and photographers, so that’s how the unique combinations of guests came about.

I like them to be no bigger than 10 people with unlikely combos, and I have rules: Phones down, I don’t care about your kids, they’ll be fine with the nannies, and no dum dums. If you’re not sure whether it’s an election year, if you’re not sure climate change is happening around you, this is not the dinner party for you.

One time I had a salon that was very reporter heavy, and Stormy Daniels was the guest of honor. Three reporters all had to take their phones and go to the bathroom at the same time. I told them: No scoops allowed!

When Monica Lewinsky came over I wanted to be very careful, but I had journalists there, and they were so respectful to her. It’s obviously been so long that people have finally realized that she’s been a human being this whole time. That was lovely.

I had a great one planned for Mary Trump, who is a very hot dinner party ticket. But Mary got sick so she had to cancel. I had built it around Mary and was going to make it half Hollywood and half political. Instead, the women were Rosie O’Donnell, Megan Mullally, Kristen Johnson and Jennifer Lewis.

And the guys were my wonderful husband Randy, Nick Offerman and the photographer Mike Ruiz. It turned out to be a really great combination; we were all being more silly. Jennifer was singing and we ended up making a commercial for her book.

The next salon will probably be with Mary in December and I’ll do it around her. She’s quite introverted but she has a lot to say. I’ll have a couple of politicos in there so she’s comfortable, but I also want her to have some laughs. The salons keep me going, they fill my comedian soul.

I do feel that I’m finally coming out of the period of erasure that followed the Trump photo. Jane Fonda said to me, “Kid, you know this is going to be on your tombstone?” I accept that. But I think things are way better and I’ll share what the key is: You have to get old and get cancer. Now that I’m 62 and I almost croaked, I’m called “cute,” and “petite” which I love.

I’ve had people start to say, for the first time in my life, “I saw Kathy Griffin walking down the street and she’s adorable.” I’ve been waiting to get to be f****** adorable, because I’ve been too b***** for too long, and too irritating.

There seems to be, at least a part of the pop culture audience saying, “You know what? Maybe I’m going to start giving this dame a bit of a pass, because she’s been around so long and she’s been through some s***.” And that’s all I ask. Just give me a fair shot.

Kathy Griffin is a 2x Emmy award and Grammy award winning comedian and actress. You can follow her on Instagram @kathygriffin and TikTok @kathygriffin

All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.

As told to Newsweek senior editor Jenny Haward.