Why Aren’t Marriages As Satisfying As They Used To Be?

After sleepless nights childcareeducation expenses as well as payments such as rent, loans and healthcare, our families wanting to spend more time with us or still wanting to be involved in our lives, working harder to earn money, These are just some of the problems in marriages.

The institution of marriage has changed in the last 100 years, increasing age of marriageBesides the widespread use of living together for the purpose of preparing for marriage, there is another fact that we see a lot, divorce.

You may be reading our content as a divorced person, or you may be looking for a way out during the divorce phase. Even if all these are not the case, you may be wondering about the reasons for some unhappiness. No matter how you read it, In the theory of suffocation in marriage you will find something.

As we climb Mount Maslow, we begin to lose our breath.

With the theory of suffocation in marriage Maslow theory being combined. When we look at Maslow’s list of needs, we actually see not only personality development but also the evolution of marriages. The basis of marriages between 1776 and 1850, called the institutional period, meeting basic needs such as shelter and nutrition It was based on.

During the dating period between 1850 and 1965, most people were moving to urban areas and the main purpose of marriage was love and romance was to meet their needs. The name of this period and their current marriage was the period of self-expression.

With the counterculture revolution of the 1960s and 1970s discovering one’s authentic self appeared further. This explains the purpose of marriage; turned to meeting the need for self-expression, autonomy, self-esteem, and self-actualization.

What consumes the oxygen of the relationship is the high level of welfare.

As the level of welfare increases, expectations from marriage It increases to include our ability to express ourselves. We are moving from just having a shelter over our heads due to bad weather conditions to houses with 4 rooms, bathrooms and even a pool in an exclusive neighborhood.

This reveals the suffocation in the relationship. However, when we look at the results, we see that more money does not bring more happiness. Money does not bring happiness.

We don’t know if everything is just a desire to make money, but there are some facts.

In order for our self-actualization needs to be satisfied, we actually need to pay more attention to the relationship. waste time and energy It is necessary. However, this is not the case in today’s marriages. On the contrary, couples prefer to spend more time separately and work longer hours. Also, time spent together is rarely made the most of it.

Childless couples with their spouses in one week time spent alone, decreases from 35 hours to 26 hours. One of the reasons for the decline is the time spent working. Of course, people used to be together even in the fields. We didn’t know if it was good to be side by side all the time.

The time married couples with children spend together decreases from 13 hours per week to 9. You can guess that the reason for this is intense parenting efforts. In this period, there are men who are in the minority and they help their wives, but we think the reason for this decrease in hours is that child care is largely left to the mother. Take time to care for children, spend time on marriage, and earn money. No!

Before you label me as a “feminist”, let’s leave that topic to another context and look at other research. Looking at the 1980s and 2000s, the likelihood of spouses eating their main meals together decreased by 15 percent. Going out together for fun The percentages also decrease by 29 percent.

These changes have two consequences for the quality of marriage.

We have two results, positive and negative. The negative result, as we just mentioned, is a greater tendency towards marriage to meet our needs for self-expression and the resulting dissatisfaction.

We also have a positive result. Marriages that managed to meet the needs were More satisfying than the best marriages. So it’s all or nothing. A big round of applause is here for the couples who have strengthened their marriages by escaping from drowning. Remember that you are a minority.

Either give it time, space, or ignore it.

Some couples who want to save their marriage find the solution in counselors or therapists. One of the things they would say is make time for each other is happening. However, this tactic also has a high failure rate. Imagine, retired couples who are not used to spending time together would probably go crazy if they were together all the time!

Increasing investment levels or make the most of your time is also among the recommended things. Scheduling regular date nights can give the necessary oxygen and make a marriage fulfilling.

Another step to take is to have fewer expectations from the parties regarding meeting the needs at the top of the mountain. Sharing emotional experiencesIt can be done through friends or family members. This may align marital demands more closely with available resources.

There is another solution. That is, if none of these things you do results in success, you can do it without causing anyone more pain. To leave. (You won’t find this advice in marriage counselors.)

When we look at the result, marriages, like everything in our lives, evolve. Although changing expectations, emotions and lives sometimes bring bad consequences, Those who think they have found their soul mate There is also. Considering all these details in the suffocation theory, it may be helpful to first review yourself and then your marriage.

Our other content related to marriage that may interest you: