The Fine Line Between True Love and Obsession: Limerence

In romantic relationships The emotions we feel have the potential to create addiction depending on the status of the relationship. Especially with our partner or the person we like when we first met We may just want to think about it, act accordingly and not take our steps without it. To our excitement and succumbed to our admiration There were definitely times when we were a moth around. So, do you think these situations always bring happiness?

We continue to gain new awareness every day in the relationships we establish with ourselves and the people around us. When we think about the things we mentioned above, we should be excited, but there are situations where these excitement and happiness are sometimes not “love”. “limerence” situation may occur.

Although “Limerence” actually presents itself as love, it is actually the opposite of love.

The term limerence was first used in the 1970s. psychologist Dorothy Tennov It was put forward by. According to Tennov, some people’s experience of love is with intense emotions It is called living together regardless of age, gender, culture or any other characteristics.

In this confusion of emotions “limerence” And “limerence object” There are two characters. Limerence constantly thinks about the object of limerence; him-her-it seeing better than before tends and is in a constant state of longing. He becomes unable to think of anything else, and these feelings cause the limerence person to become even your daily life may affect. Although it may seem like love at first sight, limerence and true love are very different from each other.

Limerence can often manifest itself in such situations:

• Idealizing the other person and seeing them as perfect in every way
• Environmental factors constantly remind the object of limerence
• Fear of rejection by the object of limerence
• The object of limerence experiences mood swings depending on whether or not the person of limerence reciprocates their feelings.
• Making a great effort to make a limerence object look beautiful and attractive
• Limerence person has difficulty distinguishing between right and wrong due to intense emotional state

So seen in a relationship all your red flags We can also say that a red flag is seen as a green flag.

While love brings people satisfaction; limerence distances a person from reality.

definition of love We don’t know how you do it, but love is considered an emotion. But if limerence is It is an experience. Limerence, which includes different stages within itself, transforms the person into someone who strives for their relationship even if it seems like an unhealthy relationship, does not want to lose their partner and constantly acts in line with their wishes.

The first of these phases Attachment/Infatuation (attachment/infatuation) phase. A person wants to have a relationship with someone he or she is not very interested in. Because he has nothing to lose and if the relationship doesn’t work out, he can end it. Can look at things logically. After time passes, he starts to get to know his partner and after liking his personal characteristics, that he is special thinker. He feels safe next to her. Tries to establish an emotional bond and determines how many common features there are. this emotional bond becomes stronger accordingly.

The second phase is crystallisation (crystallization) phase. The person’s love for his partner becomes stronger and he wants to defend him at all costs. He thinks his life is more colorful with him and him-her-it doesn’t want to lose. He begins to give up his own beliefs and begins to think in line with his partner’s beliefs.

The third and final stage is deterioration (deterioration) phase. Even if the passion, trust and love in the relationship begins to wane The relationship does not end; Because even the idea of ​​moving away from his partner creates a state of panic in him. You may become more aggressive, feel the need to control your partner, and suddenly formalize the relationship may want.

How can the state of limerence, which becomes toxic over time and begins to distance the person from reality, be overcome?

Unfortunately, many people can experience limerence. Even if you’re not in love, breaking up with your partner and ending the relationship can often be painful. However, there are a few solutions to overcome this.

• Learn to love yourself first. You can constantly remind yourself that you are worth loving.
• Be honest with yourself. It is natural to blame yourself when you think about the things your partner has put you through. However, when you look at yourself with constructive criticism, you can better grasp the truth of the matter.
• Remember that healing takes time. Every healing brings with it pain. Don’t be afraid to suffer and heal.
• Don’t be afraid to change. Remember that many of the emotions you experienced were emotions that harmed you at the time. Changing how you view emotions makes it easier to get to the root of the problem.
• Remind yourself that you are only responsible for your own emotions. It doesn’t matter whether we are in a relationship or not, we are always responsible for our emotions. The other person’s feelings are not our responsibility.
• Try to get to know yourself. As you get to know more, you can better understand why you do what you do.

As a result, it can be difficult to distinguish between limerence and true love. True love is calmer, long-term and based on a solid foundation, while limerence can often be more passionate and sometimes toxic. In such a situation, do not forget to get help from experts and improve your awareness.