Dusseldorf Even if many consider small talk to be pointless banter and a waste of time, informal conversation is indispensable, especially at work. Anyone who manages to warm up a conversational atmosphere and establish a connection with the other person will ultimately reach their goal faster.
“Small talk is usually the beginning of a business relationship, a good neighborhood, a marriage,” explains communication trainer Gabriela Meyer, “you shouldn’t underestimate that.”
Meyer grew up in a Greek tavern in the Lüneburg Heath, where teachers, artists and booksellers discussed everything and everything by candlelight. “It was like an academy for small talk,” she recalls. That’s why Meyer has been passing on her knowledge for 15 years and training both companies and private individuals in the art of communication.
She gives Handelsblatt readers tips for various conversation situations:
The rules for this are almost always the same: “You can talk to anyone if you are curious, interested and enthusiastic,” summarizes Gabriela Meyer.
Already on the way to a meeting or an event you can make it clear to yourself: Who do I want to talk to? what could i talk about And what do I want to achieve with the conversation? Do you want me to introduce myself? Land an assignment or set up a meeting?
In the conversation, it is then important to find common ground on which a (business) relationship can be built. It could be the lecture you just heard, the jet lag after the business trip, the new facility in the foyer.
Compliments are also allowed if they are not intrusive. And even the weather can be an initial topic, if a snowstorm is raging in front of the conference building or the air conditioning in the ICE has failed again.
“The stranger the person, the more general the topic should be,” advises Meyer.
Conversations with strangers at a conference
You don’t know the person, but you do have something in common: at least the location, the interest in the event or maybe just the (professional) obligation to go there. Now they want to get to know this person, have a nice chat and make the stranger familiar.
This entry is quite banal, but always effective:
- “Hello/Hello, my name is…”
Then the conversation often continues on its own. These sentences are also helpful:
- “How did you find the lectures so far?”
- “What brought you here?”
- “How is your industry? I have read, that…”
- “The past year and a half have been tough. How have you gotten through the pandemic so far?”
- “What are you working on at the moment? Any project I may have heard of before?”
If you don’t want to address just any participant, but the speaker of the keynote, you need more patience. Speakers are often surrounded by people who want to speak to them.
It helps to stay close by, make eye contact and then rush forward with the right words:
- “Excuse me, may I speak to you for a moment?” (And to the bystanders:) “Would you please excuse us?”
And it goes on like this, for example:
- “Your lecture really appealed to me because…”
- “I’ve always wanted to meet you. We have one thing in common, which is…”
- “I have been following the development of your company for a long time. The time was particularly exciting when …”
Of course, it is important to consider beforehand how the corresponding sentence should continue.
Small talk with the colleague after the holiday
You already know this person. It’s not a close friend, but you see each other more often. And now you’re standing together at the coffee machine in the break room. A good opportunity to deepen the relationship. In everyday work you need allies – and friends.
- “I really like your new bag, where did you get it from?”
- “I think it’s great how you ran the meeting earlier. You handled the criticism from colleague Müller so confidently.”
- “How do you manage to stay sporty/wind down after work/keep fit in the home office?”
Occasionally negative things are allowed in small talk:
- “How was your vacation? Surely it was unbearably hot in the Red Sea in summer?”
This little provocation tickles the colleague, she wants to contradict and talks about how clear the water was and how cool the cocktails on the beach were.
But this is how you start the conversation:
- “It really annoys me that the canteen has closed/this new computer program has been implemented/the parking lots have been moved.”
Motzen is important among colleagues, according to the expert. It is an opportunity to let off frustration in a well-dosed way, and at the same time it welds together.
If you don’t find any reason to get excited at the moment, you can also choose an innocuous observation to start a short conversation:
- “They are already setting up the Christmas tree in the foyer. Why now?
A reunion after a long time
They still know each other from their studies, were suggested to each other as contacts a few years later on a social network and are now meeting for a wine in real life to tie in with old times.
Recall the memory of your last encounter.
- “The last time we saw each other, you were still…”
Talking about mutual acquaintances creates a feeling of trust between you and restores the old connection.
- “Did you know that Anna got married?”
Exchange stories from the time you weren’t in touch. That’s how you get closer.
- “How did you actually come up with the idea of applying there of all places?”
- “What’s the best thing that’s happened to you since we last saw each other?”
- “What are you doing right now besides work? What do you do to pass the time?”
Whatever else is going on at the moment is the pandemic.
- “How have you gotten through the last few months? How were you during that time?”
The only thing you should avoid for now is vaccination and measures.
Find an elegant finish
After the first sentence or two, a conversation often begins to flow and then runs on its own for a while. But if you then want to talk to the next conference participant or the work on the desk calls, it is important to find an elegant conclusion.
It could look like this, says expert Meyer:
- “Thank you for the nice conversation! Let’s have coffee/wine/tea again soon.”
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